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Jewish Computer

Last updated: 2003-11-18

While in Israel I found a great buy on a computer.  It is a kosher computer called a DELLSHALOM. 

It was selling at such a good price that...well......... mine arrived today. If you or a friend are considering a kosher computer, you should know that there were some important upgrades and changes from the typical computer you are used to, such as:

  1. The cursor moves from right to left.
  2. It comes with two hard drives, one for 'Fleyshik' business software and one for 'Milchik' games.
  3. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, my PC now gets 'Ferklempt'.
  4. The Chanukah screen savers include 'Flying Dreidels'.
  5. The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
  6. After my computer dies, I have to dispose of it within 24 hours.
  7. The "Start" button has been replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button.
  8. When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, I am instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus."
  9. The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!"
  10. Internet Explorer has a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right corner.
  11. I hear "Hava Nagila" during startup.
  12. When running "scandisk," it prompts with a "You want I should fix this?" message.
  13. When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear a loud "Oy Gevalt!"
  14. There is a "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz that advertises that it gets rid of the "schmutz und dreck" on your monitor.
  15. After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes "Schluffen."
  16. Computer viruses can now be cured with some matzo ball chicken soup.
  17. The Y2K problem has been replaced by "Year 5760-5761" issues.
  18. If you decide not to shut down the computer in the prescribed manner, the following message appears "You should be ashamed of yourself!"
  19. When Spellcheck finds and error it prompts "Is this the best you can do?"